A Moment of Clarity, Finally

I was visiting son #2 in Austin the last 6 days.  I like to visit my sons as much as possible and get the lay of the land – how they are feeling and how my grandchildren are getting along.  Since one son lives in Las Vegas and one in Austin, I have permanent travel whiplash.  I pour over the calendar and space my visits out to both sons and hope that I am being fair and impartial because I love them both equally. They are the bedrocks in my life.  And I truly love nothing more than to visit them and see how they are doing.

So far…so good as my dear friend used to say regarding her relationship with her boyfriend. And that’s after 5 years of being together.

I was sitting at the kitchen table having dinner with my son and my granddaughter, my adorable Penelope who turned 3 years old August 3rd. Aaron  had made a splendid salmon dinner with out of this world veggies and it was a lovely moment in my life. Then he turned to me and said:

“So, Mom, how does it feel to finally have wisdom?”

I looked at him, stunned. There was a long silence before I could answer. I felt my entire life – all almost 70 years  – flash in front of me at breakneck speed. I held my breath, then finally found the exhale, and said:

“Great. It feels great. Wisdom is a good thing to have. I guess I have some after all these years.”  Wisdom – what a concept! The wisdom to love myself, my life and understand that the good, the bad and the ugly and the beautiful are all good.  So far, so good.

How did my son know that I had achieved some kind of wisdom?  What idea or thought or powers of observation prompted my son say that?  On August 9th, Aaron will turn 38 and he’s all of a sudden grown up, grown into himself, into his authentic person – a man of substance, thought, generosity, compassion.  He’s a great father and provider and thinker, and a seeker.  Yeah! He’s a thinker, a philosopher of sorts, a person who digs deeper into the soul of human nature. I think, I hope, I passed a test at that moment because it seemed my son recognized me as a mother, a woman a person in my own right.  Was it the final separation of the mother/son relations?  Not really. I think it was a beginning of another relationship, one with deeper understanding and respect.

And then he went off to participate in an Iowaska ceremony in San Antonio in order to tap into a spiritual experience that he desired and needed at this time in his life. I was proud of him at that moment. More proud that I ever could imagine. Both sons, both really amazing men who contribute generously to their universe.

Aaron and I haven’t seen eye to eye so often in our relationship. We’ve only seen shadows of ourselves so today clarity is crucial to knowing each other as best we can. I guess it’s all about the tests we put ourselves and others through in life that generate clarity and dual respect.If you have any doubt about that, take a look at Greek mythology and study the archetypes. It’s all been done before we ever came on to this planet.

Tiger at the Austin Zoo cooling off while contemplating wisdom.
Tiger at the Austin Zoo cooling off while contemplating wisdom.

I suppose it’s human nature to put those we love dearly through tests and trials. It doesn’t feel good at the time; in fact, it feels downright awful and sad and unnecessary. But it is necessary and we do it to find balance with each other without judgement and then we can set aside fear and uncertainly because it’s quite useless. Fear paralyzes us and prevents change not just in life but in our relationships. And change is crucial to manifesting our own unique adaptation and finding the truth of who we are.

So ideas and perceptions changed that night and with knowledge of the truth of who we are, we both found wisdom.



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