I really do wanna blog, blog, blog, but where is that 45 minutes during the day? Where I ask you? Are the days getting shorter? Am I getting busier? Am I under too much stress? Doing too much? That’s it!! All of the above.
I’m supposed to be writing a keynote speech for the UCLA Health System/YWCA Santa Monica Westside for a full day of wellness on Saturday, April 28, on the topic: Body/Mind/Spirit: Maximizing Your Potential. It’s supposed to be finished by now. It’s not started. I am going to love this speech and I can’t find my way into it. And I wanna blog. I really do. It’s been over a week. Maybe I’m over committed. You think?
Maybe I need a Body/Mind/Spirit adjustment. I teach this stuff all day long in my yoga classes and I’m failing upwards. I have no grip on maximizing my potential.
The days have gotten longer and the sun doesn’t set until after 7 and I’m worried that I haven’t done enough when night falls. This is not good for me. Anyone can go nuts with this scenario. This is my life and my movie rolls 24/7. And for some strange reason lately, people, places and things are crawling into my inside life: I have a friend who has lapsed into severe addiction and another who can’t quite see the way to detox; I have adult children who are experiencing economic meltdowns; I have a daughter-in-law whose family has separated and mom and dad no longer visit together and it feels stranger than fiction; I have grandchildren meltdowns on the soccer field; the weather is as extreme as my moods this spring; l have lost loves that stay inside my heart; I have new loves that please my soul; I have book festivals (Tucson) and preparation for a memoir workshop; I meet new people who make me feel vulnerable and powerful at the same time; I am making waves in the speaking world and it’s so difficult and scary that it almost makes me feel bad if it didn’t feel so good; I an teaching and teaching and writing and writing; and I can’t even get through a book in a month anymore. And the darndest thing is that every time I have a speaking gig, I get up at 4:30 and start to go over my speech as if I don’t know it. I KNOW IT!!!
My first thought this morning after I put aside my speech in my head was: Is Apple really over $600 a share. If so, I shouldn’t I be a millionaire by now and do what I want. Why is that not happening at this moment? It’s only paper, you say. Someone explain that to me.
Yet, in the midst of this pity party I’m throwing myself, I am booked to be part of a seminar for women on a cruise to Alaska next year. For sure you will hear all about this cruise over and over in my blog, but this is just the coolest thing ever. Three speakers and 2 comedians and we give talks and workshops all day. And I get to teach yoga and meditation. You see, dreams do come true. I’m not nuts.
You know why I wanna blog? Because even though my thoughts and feelings and desires are virtual and even though no one reads my blog, the exercise of doing it brings me peace. I always feel blessed when I blog. I’m grateful. I’m lucky (the intersection of preparation and opportunity). I still feel I can run a marathon, (even though I didn’t partake in yesterday’s marathon, but I did watch some of it in front of Whole Foods and I seemed to have not seen my friends) and have sex all day. I still feel like I’ll write this speech or at least begin the quest after this blog is finished, and maybe see my oldest son who is in LA on a consulting gig (thank God for small favors), and take a look at my latest video on “Empowering the New Woman,” and cringe at how I look and sound and then be pleased because my adorable editor, McKenzie, will make me look and sound good no matter how I scream at the computer.
Yeah, life is good and there is hope when I blog, blog, blog, baby.